"Of course I had inklings, about his slipperiness, his wiliness, his foxiness - how can I put this? - his unscrupulousness, but I turned a blind eye. I kept my mouth shut; or, if I opened it, I sang his praises. I didn't contradict, I didn't ask awkward questions, I didn't dig deep. I wanted happy endings in those days, and happy endings are best achieved by keeping the right door locked and going to sleep during the rampages." ~ Margaret Atwood, The Penelopiad
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Margaret Atwood
I was recently looking through my old notes on Facebook and found some quotes that I had posted that make me think that younger Jessie and I aren't as different as me or some others might think:
Sunday, April 15, 2012
International Fair
Today was the International Fair at MC and although I'm no longer a student, I am reminded of how much I love this campus. There are so many wonderful people on this campus that give me hope for all the ignorant people that I deal with on a somewhat regular basis.
During one of the performances, a band that played middle eastern music, students, both international and domestic, clasped hands and began to dance in a circle. People, including staff and faculty members, joined in and danced until the end of the piece. Of course I jumped on a chair and got pictures, but I almost found it hard to see through the viewfinder, considering I was fighting tearing up.
Earlier in the day, however, I got a first reminder. A student-run dance organization performed their own choreographed dances, and the last one was called, "Fix You." It was about couples, but the couples were those that have been the focus of some discrimination at some point of history or another; a mixed race couple, a homosexual couple and then those who follow tradition. It was lovely, and once again, I found myself fighting the tears.
These are just some of the reasons I love MC, and am so very blessed to continue with my life here.
During one of the performances, a band that played middle eastern music, students, both international and domestic, clasped hands and began to dance in a circle. People, including staff and faculty members, joined in and danced until the end of the piece. Of course I jumped on a chair and got pictures, but I almost found it hard to see through the viewfinder, considering I was fighting tearing up.
Earlier in the day, however, I got a first reminder. A student-run dance organization performed their own choreographed dances, and the last one was called, "Fix You." It was about couples, but the couples were those that have been the focus of some discrimination at some point of history or another; a mixed race couple, a homosexual couple and then those who follow tradition. It was lovely, and once again, I found myself fighting the tears.
These are just some of the reasons I love MC, and am so very blessed to continue with my life here.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Dormant
Well, I guess I've let the motivation to update this lapse, considering it's been quite a long time.
So much has happened since then that of course I'm not going to be able to type it all out, but the main thing is that I started my first post-college job. I love it, I really do. I'm working as a staff member at my Alma Mater as a Hall director - working over the RAs, hall council, RHA and other details. It's wonderful to be in a place that I know so well, but that can prove as a negative, too.
I have my own apartment that is only down the hall from my office and a schedule that is dictated only by meetings throughout the week, leaving me to pencil in my own hours as long as I stick to the minimum required of me. I'm doing a lot of editing, writing and photography along with my administrative tasks, which is a wonderful blessing since those things are my stress reducers in an anything-but-consistent work setting.
Other than work, my life has been somewhat eventful. In August, I, along with a good part of our region and most of my graduation class, got a wake up call on life. One of my peers from the English department passed away in a tragic accident in Indianapolis where the main stage collapsed. Most reports said that she may not have suffered much, but the fact that she had so much potential and promise is what struck us the hardest. It's been 8 months (tomorrow) but I still find myself staring off and thinking about our interactions, and I sometimes thing I'm going crazy because I swear some of our underclassmen resemble her. Although she and I weren't overly close, I think anyone who knew her in any capacity can feel the loss of such a wonderful young woman.
Currently, I'm on a track to try and be a healthier me, along with half of all Americans. I'm lucky that my place of work offers free exercises trainers (for a class) and I have been taking advantage of that. Although I haven't really seen any physical improvements, I do feel better and stronger. It's a downhill goal but an uphill battle.
Outside of all of that, I have made a promise to myself to try and read and write more often. Sometimes I find myself wanting a nap or mindless TV during my downtime, but I've been pushing myself (mainly my eyes) to perk up and enjoy the strain that comes with reading. Currently, I'm working on the newest Greg Maguire book and loving it. Also, I'm planning on writing a full autobiography, motivated through the loss of Aline so young. Sometime in between, I hope to begin reworking my "novel" that I wrote in the 8th grade in order to add my now more mature style to it.
Overall, life is pretty good. First world problems aside, I have a life to envy.
So much has happened since then that of course I'm not going to be able to type it all out, but the main thing is that I started my first post-college job. I love it, I really do. I'm working as a staff member at my Alma Mater as a Hall director - working over the RAs, hall council, RHA and other details. It's wonderful to be in a place that I know so well, but that can prove as a negative, too.
I have my own apartment that is only down the hall from my office and a schedule that is dictated only by meetings throughout the week, leaving me to pencil in my own hours as long as I stick to the minimum required of me. I'm doing a lot of editing, writing and photography along with my administrative tasks, which is a wonderful blessing since those things are my stress reducers in an anything-but-consistent work setting.
Other than work, my life has been somewhat eventful. In August, I, along with a good part of our region and most of my graduation class, got a wake up call on life. One of my peers from the English department passed away in a tragic accident in Indianapolis where the main stage collapsed. Most reports said that she may not have suffered much, but the fact that she had so much potential and promise is what struck us the hardest. It's been 8 months (tomorrow) but I still find myself staring off and thinking about our interactions, and I sometimes thing I'm going crazy because I swear some of our underclassmen resemble her. Although she and I weren't overly close, I think anyone who knew her in any capacity can feel the loss of such a wonderful young woman.
Currently, I'm on a track to try and be a healthier me, along with half of all Americans. I'm lucky that my place of work offers free exercises trainers (for a class) and I have been taking advantage of that. Although I haven't really seen any physical improvements, I do feel better and stronger. It's a downhill goal but an uphill battle.
Outside of all of that, I have made a promise to myself to try and read and write more often. Sometimes I find myself wanting a nap or mindless TV during my downtime, but I've been pushing myself (mainly my eyes) to perk up and enjoy the strain that comes with reading. Currently, I'm working on the newest Greg Maguire book and loving it. Also, I'm planning on writing a full autobiography, motivated through the loss of Aline so young. Sometime in between, I hope to begin reworking my "novel" that I wrote in the 8th grade in order to add my now more mature style to it.
Overall, life is pretty good. First world problems aside, I have a life to envy.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Harry Potter and my childhood
It's funny that my last post had to do with the symbolism of the end of certainty in an allegorical nature related to the rapture, but now I'm feeling the same way in something a little more light-hearted.
Last night, or rather this morning, I saw the last installment of the Harry Potter film series. This is the symbolic end to many people's childhood, including my own. How perfect is it that they ended two months after I finish all my schooling, after starting at the tender age of ten?
What really made this apparent to me was sitting next to a thirteen-year-old girl in the movie theater who very much reminded me of myself. After some quick and clumsy math, I realized that the very first time I read the first book, this girl was only one. Talk about a mind blowing thought!
She was very excited about it, as she should be, since I'm sure there's not a time she can remember without the name Harry Potter being thrown around. However, for those of us who don't have any lengths of childhood ahead of us anymore, it's more of a soul-crushing awakening that we have to start growing up now.
People may make fun of me, but this image says it all:
I don't think any more words are needed.
Last night, or rather this morning, I saw the last installment of the Harry Potter film series. This is the symbolic end to many people's childhood, including my own. How perfect is it that they ended two months after I finish all my schooling, after starting at the tender age of ten?
What really made this apparent to me was sitting next to a thirteen-year-old girl in the movie theater who very much reminded me of myself. After some quick and clumsy math, I realized that the very first time I read the first book, this girl was only one. Talk about a mind blowing thought!
She was very excited about it, as she should be, since I'm sure there's not a time she can remember without the name Harry Potter being thrown around. However, for those of us who don't have any lengths of childhood ahead of us anymore, it's more of a soul-crushing awakening that we have to start growing up now.
People may make fun of me, but this image says it all:
I don't think any more words are needed.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
A senior in college...
I started this blog when I was just about to leave for college for my freshman year, and here it is the last month of my senior year. You can tell the differences in years by the number of blogs I've posted, the number slowly dwindling as I got more and more involved with school. This blog serves almost as the symbol of my college career, or more of an anti-symbol, since it was neglected while all my efforts were put towards school. Don't judge me, I'm an English major, symbolism is what I do!
It's interesting to me the differences when I look at my classmates, the class of 2011 at Manchester College. Some are running around crazy (much like myself) trying to find what the hell they're going to do after graduation. Jobs, living arrangements, loan payments, some planning weddings. It's almost a mad dash from here on out for those of us not going to graduate school. There are the lucky few who have a job secured already, but it seems like there aren't many of those. We're being released from the protected womb of college into a cold hard world - one that needs fixing. The economy is floundering (supposedly being repaired, but how much do they actually tell us?). The world is supposedly ending: twice. The first day, according to radical Christian group, is the day before we graduate, so perhaps us Christian kids won't have to worry about surviving the world. The second is the one that people are supposedly taking seriously, just because an ancient civilization stopped counting. If the world does end, I'll eat my words, but then again, who will I tell it to?
Apocalypse and the rapture are just the more dramatic embodiments of our shared uncertainty. We don't really know what the future has in store for us, and for people like me, it's stressful and concerning. Even those that think they have everything all nailed out will fall victim to the unpredictable nature of life eventually, just later than the rest of us. As we all stand now, though, it's a guessing game. We're graduating in little over a month with degrees that might end up being worthless, depending on how education and motivation ends up being viewed.
We all may as well throw a handful of dirt in the air. We've always hoped for glitter, but dirt is more plentiful and pretty much the only thing that we know for sure will be there (pending the apocalypse, of course).
It's interesting to me the differences when I look at my classmates, the class of 2011 at Manchester College. Some are running around crazy (much like myself) trying to find what the hell they're going to do after graduation. Jobs, living arrangements, loan payments, some planning weddings. It's almost a mad dash from here on out for those of us not going to graduate school. There are the lucky few who have a job secured already, but it seems like there aren't many of those. We're being released from the protected womb of college into a cold hard world - one that needs fixing. The economy is floundering (supposedly being repaired, but how much do they actually tell us?). The world is supposedly ending: twice. The first day, according to radical Christian group, is the day before we graduate, so perhaps us Christian kids won't have to worry about surviving the world. The second is the one that people are supposedly taking seriously, just because an ancient civilization stopped counting. If the world does end, I'll eat my words, but then again, who will I tell it to?
Apocalypse and the rapture are just the more dramatic embodiments of our shared uncertainty. We don't really know what the future has in store for us, and for people like me, it's stressful and concerning. Even those that think they have everything all nailed out will fall victim to the unpredictable nature of life eventually, just later than the rest of us. As we all stand now, though, it's a guessing game. We're graduating in little over a month with degrees that might end up being worthless, depending on how education and motivation ends up being viewed.
We all may as well throw a handful of dirt in the air. We've always hoped for glitter, but dirt is more plentiful and pretty much the only thing that we know for sure will be there (pending the apocalypse, of course).
Sunday, May 16, 2010
This is why not everyone should write...
http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/chapters122.htm
So I was forced to start reading this thank to a friend (thank you and at the same time, I hate you for making me pull my hair out).
It's a Harry Potter fan fic. I don't even know what to say about it more as a description. It just doesn't really deserve any kind of praise, though I could analyze and critique it all night.. It is supposedly the worst fan fic of all time, and I don't think I would contest that fact. Although this was supposedly written by a substantially young author, it still gives me hope that because people write like this and people don't correct them, I will have a job some day. :)
Here are a few of my favorite lines - for content and also mistakes:
"...we started to make out keenly against a tree."
- How does one make out keenly? Especially against a tree?
"Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."
- You know, I tried to be adult about this, because I know a lot of fan fics contain sexual fantasies and all that other sick stuff... but if you use terminology like I don't think you're older enough to get things published online. At least I HOPE this is a young writer. Then again... sad sad.
"I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide."
- I just about died laughing because all I could picture was this girl beating her chest gorilla style with a slice of meat.
"...he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb at them..."
- I am picturing a certain "V-assist" method that was talked about once. Or being in the stirrups at a doctor's visit.
"...he said triumelephantly..."
- Insert elephant trumpet here.
"We started frenching passively.."
- Passionately?
“'Crookshanks!' I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream."
- This is my favorite. Has this person ever even READ Harry Potter? I love how Hermione's cat's name is not a curse...
"Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!"
- Holy crap, I seriously lost it with this one. They were videotaping her and now Lupin is "masticating" to it. Nom nom nom nom - LMAO
"..came down his pail face..."
- LMAO Bucket face
“THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!”'
- WOOF.
"I smelled happily and went into a dark room."
- *sniff sniff* Yup, you smell happy to me.
"I put on my Invisibility coke..."
- Nothing like an invisibility coke. Ahh, refreshing and sleuthy.
"He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
- Maybe I'm missing a new generational slag word for "penis" or the sort, but "spock" is different" To say the least, I hope it's a typo, because that image is an interesting one. Once again, passively?
"...I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire..."
- God I wish massages could be sent telepathically.
"...I shited pointing my wound..."
- I'm trying to figure out if this can be a past-tense of "sh*t" or what. I know what it's supposed to be, but it made me crack up anyway. And although pointing a wound is nowhere as near as funny as pointing a womb, it still is an interesting thought.
"We went sexily to Potionz class"
- ...............
Okay, I cannot seriously continue. It's too much - my brain will explode. As the story goes on, the "author" completely loses any kind of resemblance to the English language, mixing their typos with an excessive amount of leet-speak (or whatever that short hand crap is).
So I was forced to start reading this thank to a friend (thank you and at the same time, I hate you for making me pull my hair out).
It's a Harry Potter fan fic. I don't even know what to say about it more as a description. It just doesn't really deserve any kind of praise, though I could analyze and critique it all night.. It is supposedly the worst fan fic of all time, and I don't think I would contest that fact. Although this was supposedly written by a substantially young author, it still gives me hope that because people write like this and people don't correct them, I will have a job some day. :)
Here are a few of my favorite lines - for content and also mistakes:
"...we started to make out keenly against a tree."
- How does one make out keenly? Especially against a tree?
"Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."
- You know, I tried to be adult about this, because I know a lot of fan fics contain sexual fantasies and all that other sick stuff... but if you use terminology like I don't think you're older enough to get things published online. At least I HOPE this is a young writer. Then again... sad sad.
"I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide."
- I just about died laughing because all I could picture was this girl beating her chest gorilla style with a slice of meat.
"...he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb at them..."
- I am picturing a certain "V-assist" method that was talked about once. Or being in the stirrups at a doctor's visit.
"...he said triumelephantly..."
- Insert elephant trumpet here.
"We started frenching passively.."
- Passionately?
“'Crookshanks!' I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream."
- This is my favorite. Has this person ever even READ Harry Potter? I love how Hermione's cat's name is not a curse...
"Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!"
- Holy crap, I seriously lost it with this one. They were videotaping her and now Lupin is "masticating" to it. Nom nom nom nom - LMAO
"..came down his pail face..."
- LMAO Bucket face
“THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!”'
- WOOF.
"I smelled happily and went into a dark room."
- *sniff sniff* Yup, you smell happy to me.
"I put on my Invisibility coke..."
- Nothing like an invisibility coke. Ahh, refreshing and sleuthy.
"He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
- Maybe I'm missing a new generational slag word for "penis" or the sort, but "spock" is different" To say the least, I hope it's a typo, because that image is an interesting one. Once again, passively?
"...I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire..."
- God I wish massages could be sent telepathically.
"...I shited pointing my wound..."
- I'm trying to figure out if this can be a past-tense of "sh*t" or what. I know what it's supposed to be, but it made me crack up anyway. And although pointing a wound is nowhere as near as funny as pointing a womb, it still is an interesting thought.
"We went sexily to Potionz class"
- ...............
Okay, I cannot seriously continue. It's too much - my brain will explode. As the story goes on, the "author" completely loses any kind of resemblance to the English language, mixing their typos with an excessive amount of leet-speak (or whatever that short hand crap is).
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
For the past...
She's beautiful in her simple little way
She don't have too much to say when she gets mad
She understands she don't let go of anything
Even when the pain gets really bad
Guess I should've been more like that
You had it all for a pretty little while
And some how you made me smile when I was sad
You took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart
Then you realized you wanted what you had
I guess I should've been more like that
I should have held on to my pride
I should have never let you lie
I guess you got what you deserved
I guess I should've been more like her
Forgiving you, she's stronger than I am
You don't look much like a man from where I'm at
It's plain to see desperation showed it's truth
You love her and she loves you with all she has
I guess I should've been more like that
I should have held on to my pride
I should have never let you lie
I guess you got what you deserverd
I guess I should've been more like her
She's beautiful in her simple, little way
This isn't a cry for the past. This song just can fit my last situation so nicely.
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