This is why not everyone should write...

http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/chapters122.htm


So I was forced to start reading this thank to a friend (thank you and at the same time, I hate you for making me pull my hair out).

It's a Harry Potter fan fic. I don't even know what to say about it more as a description. It just doesn't really deserve any kind of praise, though I could analyze and critique it all night.. It is supposedly the worst fan fic of all time, and I don't think I would contest that fact. Although this was supposedly written by a substantially young author, it still gives me hope that because people write like this and people don't correct them, I will have a job some day. :)



Here are a few of my favorite lines - for content and also mistakes:

"...we started to make out keenly against a tree."
- How does one make out keenly? Especially against a tree?

"Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."
- You know, I tried to be adult about this, because I know a lot of fan fics contain sexual fantasies and all that other sick stuff... but if you use terminology like I don't think you're older enough to get things published online. At least I HOPE this is a young writer. Then again... sad sad.

"I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide."
- I just about died laughing because all I could picture was this girl beating her chest gorilla style with a slice of meat.

"...he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb at them..."
- I am picturing a certain "V-assist" method that was talked about once. Or being in the stirrups at a doctor's visit.


"...he said triumelephantly..."
- Insert elephant trumpet here.

"We started frenching passively.."
- Passionately?

“'Crookshanks!' I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream."
- This is my favorite. Has this person ever even READ Harry Potter? I love how Hermione's cat's name is not a curse...

"Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!"
- Holy crap, I seriously lost it with this one. They were videotaping her and now Lupin is "masticating" to it. Nom nom nom nom - LMAO

"..came down his pail face..."
- LMAO Bucket face

“THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!”'
- WOOF.

"I smelled happily and went into a dark room."
- *sniff sniff* Yup, you smell happy to me.

"I put on my Invisibility coke..."
- Nothing like an invisibility coke. Ahh, refreshing and sleuthy.

"He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
- Maybe I'm missing a new generational slag word for "penis" or the sort, but "spock" is different" To say the least, I hope it's a typo, because that image is an interesting one. Once again, passively?

"...I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire..."
- God I wish massages could be sent telepathically.

"...I shited pointing my wound..."
- I'm trying to figure out if this can be a past-tense of "sh*t" or what. I know what it's supposed to be, but it made me crack up anyway. And although pointing a wound is nowhere as near as funny as pointing a womb, it still is an interesting thought.

"We went sexily to Potionz class"
- ...............


Okay, I cannot seriously continue. It's too much - my brain will explode. As the story goes on, the "author" completely loses any kind of resemblance to the English language, mixing their typos with an excessive amount of leet-speak (or whatever that short hand crap is).