So, I'm home for the summer. It's interesting, I have been home for over a week now, and all I want to do is go back. I feel so utterly vulnerable at home. It might be the close proximity of Joshua, but I just don't know. It's been two months now, and I miss him more than ever. I keep telling myself that I wanted this, and that we're both better off without each other, but I'm finding it hard to keep believing it. I know people go through this after long relationships, but who knows. I just have to stick it out and hope for the best. But it's hard - losing your best friend. I think another reason is that I'm around my old friends once gain who are dating the same people they were while Josh and I were still together. I wish them the best, but it's so odd to be the only one of us that's single. I know now how some of these friends have felt throughout the random years. It hurts. And also, prom pictures are going up all over the place. It makes me miss dressing up, and meeting up with him those three years in a row. It's really quite silly, but at the same time, it's not. We were dating for almost four and half years, and I miss it.
I also definitely think that another reason I am finding myself so vulnerable is because other guys won't seem to leave me alone. All I really want to time and space to be myself - to be the person that's not attached at the hip anymore - but they, two in particular, won't even let me breathe, much less think of a life where I'm not dating them. Since when am I so damn wanted?!
I don't know. I guess late at night, I miss him more than ever. Life goes on though, and I'm learning more and more that I can cope and that I'm strong. Everything will work out - we'll both be happy, and the world will still turn.
I feel a little better, now that that emo post is out of the way.
