Realizations that can brighten one's day...

So it's been almost exactly a year now since I was dealt a blow that landed me on my butt. I thought it would hold me back for a while, especially since there was no way I could get away without giving up all my hopes, dreams and everything I'd ever worked for.

But I've come to an interesting realization about that incident. It hit me that the reason it still burns whenever I think about it even now, is because it wasn't so much the loss, but rather the rejection. Yes yes, a rejection story, how trite, because doesn't everyone struggle with the thought of rejection in one time of their life or another? But see, I never did. It never bothered me if a boy said no, or broke up with me. But this time, this time, since it was so damn obvious that I wasn't as good as the newest piece, and was being dropped as if defective, that's what hit me.

So it's not a matter that I miss him, necessarily, or that I hate her, despite the situations we've been in. No, it's a matter (complicated by others that I'm going through right now) of being rejected so harshly for something better. For obviously not being good enough and being shown it in a rash way that left me crying, something I don't do.

As life goes on, I realize little things in life like that, and feel the need to share. It's funny though, because I really don't miss much about my life a year ago and before. I don't miss the companionship or the thought of stability.

I just continually wish I could be good enough for someone.