It's funny, how someone can give everything, asking only for a little support in the end only to get shot in the face. That always seems to happen to me, but never has it hurt more than with a best friend. Everyone needs a best friend, teen aged girls especially. They need someone to gossip with that won't judge them, someone to talk to when times get hard, someone to support when the other is down to teach humility and humbleness, someone to get excited with when good grades or extraordinary news come about, someone to cry with when things go bad on either end, and most importantly, someone you can have fun with without caring who you really are.
I had all that. I had possibly the strongest friendship I have ever had, because in high school, things change drastically. And she was there from my sophomore year until half-way through my senior year. We were both always moving, so life-long friendships were near impossible. We did everything together -- quite literally attached at the hip. It was possibly the best time of my life.
I was always there for her. She was very protective of me, and I loved it. I basked in being needed, but when it came my turn to need help since at the time I had a complete melt-down since my fiance was supposed to be leaving for the military. Now, even after all I had been through with her, it was just "okay" for me to be upset. It was just me over-reacting with everything. Sometimes, someone needs to be told their right, even when they're not to feel better. That's what I had done so many times with her. I tried my damnest to help her always. I helped her through a heart-wrenching breakup, even started hating one of my best friends for her. Then to be "helped" like that was a stab in the heart. So, in essence, I "broke up" with her. I couldn't handle having a one-sided relationship that wasn't helping me any, which is selfish. I understand that, but she was more. I now have a complex about being selfish, but sometimes you have to be, no matter how much it hurts.
I just wish she would get it. She accused me of not helping her enough, turning the conversation once again right back to her, after I had apologized, while receiving NO apology whatsoever from her for not caring in the first place.
C'est le Vie!? Fuck it.
1 comment:
So miss "yearning for a best friend," you've got the best friend you were yearning for, you just have to share her with more people now than you're used to. Can you live with that? :-)
The second paragraph and the first half of the third--they were what really hit me btw. And honestly for the past few months, I keep getting flashbacks of a day back in spring 06... remember when we were gonna have a girls' night (Eric being token boy) and you had softball tryouts earlier that day. You called me and said "I'm too upset, I'm not going." And I showed up at your house anyway, left Lauren in my car, and barged into your bedroom to force you to get dressed and out of the house. :-) I think I remember your mom warning me that you probably werent gonna be up for anything and I'm like "no, she needs to get out of the house and have some fun." That's one of my favorite memories of senior year. I think it's because I actually felt needed. I guess I really was protective of you. Didnt realize that though til tonight.
Yea I've definitely missed you, but you're right that I'm very different from who I was in high school. But that doesn't have to be a drawback at all. You're gonna be changing a lot this year too, (whether you want to or not) and it'll be fun to kind of get to know each other again coming home on breaks and such.
Oh and just a side note: I still get free flights on Northwest Airlines btw.
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