Snow in Maryland makes me giggle. It's so funny, how people around here deal with it.
I flew in Thursday night, and Friday night it started snowing. People all week, apparently, had been talking about the possibility of the snow and what it could do to the area, but I doubt that anyone was really expecting 23 inches of the white stuff. The civilians are bad enough, but everyone else doesn't help anything. The road crews don't know how to clear it off properly. They figure pushing it around and making really tall towers constitutes as clearing... however, if a WHOLE LANE of a high way or a whole turn lane disappears under snow, that's not a very good job. And the news casters who call it the "blizzard of 2009" definitely don't help the whole situation. It technically didn't constitute as a blizzard, look it up. And then the city and county and state officials who call a state of emergency before even all the snow has fallen. That makes the National Guard mobilize... why?! I mean, people cant get out, which is bad if you have a worthwhile profession like a doctor or something, but otherwise, what?
They've already closed school for my brother tomorrow, Tuesday, when the snow happened on Saturday. That's how bad they are at clearing roads. They can't even do it properly after a few days.
And people are always complaining about how cold it is! It was like 35 degrees and I heard people talk about "how cold it is out here!" Bullshit. You want cold, deal with the -5 degrees we were dealing with at school last week. (Granted the game last night was really cold, but anything is cold if you're out in it for ten hours straight).
Fail, Maryland.
I wrote this mainly to get that bitching out of the way, but also to break up all the melancholy and lovey posts that I've been making. Though, I do miss someone terribly, especially after the amazing couple days we spend together before break :)
Monday, December 21, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
FAIL:
So, not only did I manage to not remember a group meeting, but fell in the snow down the Rhiney Bowl and cover myself in snow. I had to be helped to be rolled out of my coat and other layers.
FAIL, Jessie Jean.
FAIL, Jessie Jean.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Kharma
It's kind of funny when you think about some things. I've recently become a full believe in this little thing called Kharma, something I've never quite understood before, but now I do. And it's not something that I would normally believe in, having the full belief that things happen for a reason that hopefully comes out for the best. But Kharma is fascinating, and interestingly enough gives a small, mind and heart rotting sense of satisfaction that makes you smile and at the same time feel guilty. In all reality, it shouldn't, since there is a small part of people that thinks, "Well, they deserve it - after all that's what they've done to other people in the past," but at the same time, there's an almost overwhelming sense of guilt caused by the fact that you know through past experience and empathy what they're going through, and it's not fun.
Some people just laugh a little and wish the best for others, hoping that the other's experience turns out better than what their own did. And then there are other people who laugh cruelly and point fingers, rubbing their own wronged natures in the perpetrator's faces.
And which one am I, do you ask? Well, considering my actions thus far, only some people can really tell.
Some people just laugh a little and wish the best for others, hoping that the other's experience turns out better than what their own did. And then there are other people who laugh cruelly and point fingers, rubbing their own wronged natures in the perpetrator's faces.
And which one am I, do you ask? Well, considering my actions thus far, only some people can really tell.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Swine Flu, it's coming to get you and eat your flesh!!
My mother called me on Thursday during classes just to tell me that a middle schooler, a twelve year old little girl from our county died last week of swine flu. You could hear the concern and worry in her voice as she frantically relayed the story about the out-of-nowhere onset and the girl’s lack of contact with anyone who was “infected.”
Although I was more than appreciative of my mother’s concern for my health and well-being, she’s playing into the mania that is the fear of swine flu. This scare, hysteria, paranoia, panic, whatever you want to call it, is something that is directly brought on from years and years of science fiction zombie movies.
Take the recent movie Quarantine, for example – a movie that might be a little questionable in merit and not exactly a huge hit in the box office, was scary in itself because of the fact that the infection, ailment, disease, etc, is a mutation of something that would otherwise be considered normal and (although not by any means safe), usually easily-handled – rabies. This mirrors the swine flu considerably, since the regular seasonal flu is something that has ravaged our society for years upon years, whereas swine flu is a new strain that we just don’t seem to be able to deal with, yet. The thought of this scary mutation theory is twisted even more by the thought that someone might have manufactured it to victimize the human condition of which we’re so fond. Movies like this, where infection spreads quickly and symptoms take effect even quicker sending the victims into a zombie-like frenzy, are no doubt the reason why the regular populous fears something unknown, the swine flu, so damn much.
It’s as if those infected with the “influenza like symptoms” are going to fall down, get back and start eating each other and everyone else. Or, the whole human race is going to be infected one way or another, except of course for some lucky duck who’s immune and survives even after the government turns in on its own people, I am Legend style.
Paranoia is no doubt the name of the game. People are worried about the unknown, which is completely normal and expected, but the over-preparation and over-whelming anxiety is going to do nothing to ease the spread of the malady, minus practical applications of disease prevention. I feel like every time someone coughs or sneezes on campus or anywhere else, people instinctively slide a little bit further away, or take a step back, as if being anywhere within a twenty foot radius will mean instant death. It’s like the scenes in Dawn of the Dead where the surviving group of uninfected people shoot the individuals who are infected in the head to prevent them from turning into a mindless, flesh-eating zombie, in order to ensure the survival of the whole group. Only our weapons aren’t shot guns and 9 mm hand guns, but disinfectant spray, hospital masks and an over-whelming abundance of hand sanitizer.
I completely expect that after all of this hype is over, the “pandemic” is situated and everything is quite literally history, the SyFy Channel will produce a B rated movie about the whole thing as their so famous for doing. Only, to make it interesting, (because in all reality, it killed just about the same, if not less than the season flu) those infected with the flu will turn green, grow pig snouts and begin eating and infecting everyone else, being only defeated by a meat cleaver to the head. It won’t really be a stretch in the public’s eye, however, since that’s how it’s seemingly being treated.
Although I was more than appreciative of my mother’s concern for my health and well-being, she’s playing into the mania that is the fear of swine flu. This scare, hysteria, paranoia, panic, whatever you want to call it, is something that is directly brought on from years and years of science fiction zombie movies.
Take the recent movie Quarantine, for example – a movie that might be a little questionable in merit and not exactly a huge hit in the box office, was scary in itself because of the fact that the infection, ailment, disease, etc, is a mutation of something that would otherwise be considered normal and (although not by any means safe), usually easily-handled – rabies. This mirrors the swine flu considerably, since the regular seasonal flu is something that has ravaged our society for years upon years, whereas swine flu is a new strain that we just don’t seem to be able to deal with, yet. The thought of this scary mutation theory is twisted even more by the thought that someone might have manufactured it to victimize the human condition of which we’re so fond. Movies like this, where infection spreads quickly and symptoms take effect even quicker sending the victims into a zombie-like frenzy, are no doubt the reason why the regular populous fears something unknown, the swine flu, so damn much.
It’s as if those infected with the “influenza like symptoms” are going to fall down, get back and start eating each other and everyone else. Or, the whole human race is going to be infected one way or another, except of course for some lucky duck who’s immune and survives even after the government turns in on its own people, I am Legend style.
Paranoia is no doubt the name of the game. People are worried about the unknown, which is completely normal and expected, but the over-preparation and over-whelming anxiety is going to do nothing to ease the spread of the malady, minus practical applications of disease prevention. I feel like every time someone coughs or sneezes on campus or anywhere else, people instinctively slide a little bit further away, or take a step back, as if being anywhere within a twenty foot radius will mean instant death. It’s like the scenes in Dawn of the Dead where the surviving group of uninfected people shoot the individuals who are infected in the head to prevent them from turning into a mindless, flesh-eating zombie, in order to ensure the survival of the whole group. Only our weapons aren’t shot guns and 9 mm hand guns, but disinfectant spray, hospital masks and an over-whelming abundance of hand sanitizer.
I completely expect that after all of this hype is over, the “pandemic” is situated and everything is quite literally history, the SyFy Channel will produce a B rated movie about the whole thing as their so famous for doing. Only, to make it interesting, (because in all reality, it killed just about the same, if not less than the season flu) those infected with the flu will turn green, grow pig snouts and begin eating and infecting everyone else, being only defeated by a meat cleaver to the head. It won’t really be a stretch in the public’s eye, however, since that’s how it’s seemingly being treated.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Books
I've come to notice over my years and years of reading, that my choice and amount of interest in books are primarily dependent upon the look of them. That's funny, one might say, since we're told from a very young age not to judge a book by its cover, but what about the paper, or binding, or font within?
Maybe it makes me a reverse book snob, but I cannot stand a book that is on crisp white paper. The book that I am currently being asked to read by my creative writing professor is on such paper, with wide margins and minute font with a much too big gap in between the lines. It irks me to no end. I open the book and the pages catch the light, reflecting an almost sunny-like sheen on my face and it bother me! The also, this book has a single paperback cover, but has a jacket quality to it. It had a flap on the front and back cover. Sorry, Mr. Book, but that's just not allowed in my book (bad pun). Paper back books have the normal kind of cover that are just like a thicker version of the paper within, and hardback books have a had cover and a paper jacket with flaps in order to keep it on. This book breaks laws, indeed. There's absolutely no need for flaps on this style of book,and it really bothers me!
One thing I do like about this book, however, is the cover art itself. It's a dark, royal blue cover with silver writing. I love gold or silver etchings on a plain, solid background, so to me, it look extremely elegant and makes me want to open it. I also really like the biding method. when you open the cover and crease it back, the crease is lost in a silver line on the cover, and when you open the rest of the pages, it stays open without having to crack the binding. Quality, if I do say so myself.
If only we could work on the inside...
And i fonly I could muster up the tolerance to actually read my assignment...
Maybe it makes me a reverse book snob, but I cannot stand a book that is on crisp white paper. The book that I am currently being asked to read by my creative writing professor is on such paper, with wide margins and minute font with a much too big gap in between the lines. It irks me to no end. I open the book and the pages catch the light, reflecting an almost sunny-like sheen on my face and it bother me! The also, this book has a single paperback cover, but has a jacket quality to it. It had a flap on the front and back cover. Sorry, Mr. Book, but that's just not allowed in my book (bad pun). Paper back books have the normal kind of cover that are just like a thicker version of the paper within, and hardback books have a had cover and a paper jacket with flaps in order to keep it on. This book breaks laws, indeed. There's absolutely no need for flaps on this style of book,and it really bothers me!
One thing I do like about this book, however, is the cover art itself. It's a dark, royal blue cover with silver writing. I love gold or silver etchings on a plain, solid background, so to me, it look extremely elegant and makes me want to open it. I also really like the biding method. when you open the cover and crease it back, the crease is lost in a silver line on the cover, and when you open the rest of the pages, it stays open without having to crack the binding. Quality, if I do say so myself.
If only we could work on the inside...
And i fonly I could muster up the tolerance to actually read my assignment...
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Sleep...
I haven't slept for about 42 hours, and yet I find myself wandering around my room, doing trivial things and unable to sleep.
It's not so much that I'm forcing myself to stay awake. I want to sleep. I want to relax. The problem lies with my stress levels, as well as my expectations of the life I'm living. There's so much that I love about it, but so much more that I want, that would make it whole. Looking at it from the outside, it's a small part, but I can see it as a big part. I want it. I'm ready for it, so now it's just a waiting game to see if I can receive it.
So, I continue to stay awake. Counting the hours and minutes as they go by, thinking and wondering with heavy lids and a light head.
Oh well, I suppose. If things happen, they happen. If sleep happens, it happens.
It's not so much that I'm forcing myself to stay awake. I want to sleep. I want to relax. The problem lies with my stress levels, as well as my expectations of the life I'm living. There's so much that I love about it, but so much more that I want, that would make it whole. Looking at it from the outside, it's a small part, but I can see it as a big part. I want it. I'm ready for it, so now it's just a waiting game to see if I can receive it.
So, I continue to stay awake. Counting the hours and minutes as they go by, thinking and wondering with heavy lids and a light head.
Oh well, I suppose. If things happen, they happen. If sleep happens, it happens.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Summer
I'm never one for poetry, but I had to write this for creative writing and I thought it turned out okay. The key to poetry, I'm told, is sincerity. Well, there you go. I don't rhyme, and there's not much of a flow, but whatever.
Warm breezes and long drives
burning wood and the taste of champagne.
Looking up to see the twinkling
of the smallest yet brightest of lights.
The soft touches and warm embraces,
caresses of senses complete.
Playing in the flames
and talking about nothing
but smiling all the while.
Falling in love, perhaps,
Or just living in a fling.
Either way, bliss fills the pair.
Both cuddled around the open flame,
whispering as if no one can hear
their secrets over the crackling.
Breathing in the summer smoke,
both from the wood and tobacco
that set their season alight.
Temporary or not
the nights live on within each of them.
Brought to life by familiar moments
touches, smells, tastes, songs.
One knows what they want,
while the other holds back.
But when the fall comes
and life goes on,
and their moments end,
she’s afraid she’ll be left behind,
reveling in that summer haze
of wood and tobacco smoke.
Warm breezes and long drives
burning wood and the taste of champagne.
Looking up to see the twinkling
of the smallest yet brightest of lights.
The soft touches and warm embraces,
caresses of senses complete.
Playing in the flames
and talking about nothing
but smiling all the while.
Falling in love, perhaps,
Or just living in a fling.
Either way, bliss fills the pair.
Both cuddled around the open flame,
whispering as if no one can hear
their secrets over the crackling.
Breathing in the summer smoke,
both from the wood and tobacco
that set their season alight.
Temporary or not
the nights live on within each of them.
Brought to life by familiar moments
touches, smells, tastes, songs.
One knows what they want,
while the other holds back.
But when the fall comes
and life goes on,
and their moments end,
she’s afraid she’ll be left behind,
reveling in that summer haze
of wood and tobacco smoke.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Those things...
I want to steal everything negative away from you.
I want to kiss away the tears that you refuse to cry but I know are there.
I want to take away all your pain and replace it with such feelings that only someone like me can give.
I want to sip the worries and uncertainty from your lips and draw it out of you for good.
I want to steal the words you use to worry others and replace them with the laugh I love so much.
I want to comfort you with just one look.
I want to give you a reason to smile and look forward to tomorrow.
I want to love you, if only you let me.
I want to kiss away the tears that you refuse to cry but I know are there.
I want to take away all your pain and replace it with such feelings that only someone like me can give.
I want to sip the worries and uncertainty from your lips and draw it out of you for good.
I want to steal the words you use to worry others and replace them with the laugh I love so much.
I want to comfort you with just one look.
I want to give you a reason to smile and look forward to tomorrow.
I want to love you, if only you let me.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Latest Song Obsession
I love this song. I love the lyrics and the meaning behind it. It's my latest obsession.
I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you and all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me, someone like me
Someone like me, somebody
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
What's so interesting is that the words are so damn perfect, yet so damn simple. Well, I am ready now. And I hope you notice.
I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you and all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me, someone like me
Someone like me, somebody
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
What's so interesting is that the words are so damn perfect, yet so damn simple. Well, I am ready now. And I hope you notice.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Joys of Being an R.A.
As I'm sure anyone who knows me knows that I got a position as a resident assistant this school year.
Well, even though school has been in session for almost a month now, very little has gone on.
The first thing that I was ever called in on was something completely harmless, yet scary and hilarious all wrapped into one. I was sitting in my arm chair that faces my door on my duty night, doing some homework, when one of my residents appeared in my doorway. She was half laughing, obviously trying to speak. She managed to let out that she needed my "muscles" in her suite mate's room. Curious and half concerned, I followed her, figuring that maybe they needed to move some furniture or something (since out furniture is outrageously heavy and bulky).
Anyway, on the way down the hallway, she explains to me that her suite mate and few friends were trying to lower the bed in her room that was lofted. Apparently, mid-move, something went awry, causing one of the friends to become trapped. Needless to say, my concern grew and my pace quickened.
When we arrived, I walked into the room and saw a boy holding up one end of the bed. obviously he couldn't move, else the bed would come crashing to the floor. I relaxed a little, figuring that this is what my resident called being "trapped," and started to devise a plan to free him from his position. That is, until I heard a voice coming from between the two beds. Bending over and cocking my head to the side, I realized that between the wall and the lower bed, and UNDER the bed that was being held up by the other boy, was yet ANOTHER boy, quite literally trapped between the beds. He gave me a cheery hello and waved. My jaw dropped in disbelief. He assured me he was okay, just rather uncomfortable with being pinned in such a way. The other boy shared that we couldn't just pull the bed out from off him, but it would have to be lifted, since the bar on the other side of the higher bed was on the wall side of the boy. Luckily, however, there was a group of boys going down the hallway, which one of my residents flagged down, and they came in and assisted us in lifting it off the poor boy.
Once freed, the boy just laughed. All the while, I was trying to regain a normal breathing pattern and heart beat. how the hell does that happen!? It definitely made for a good story for my fellow RAs.
Then, last week, while having a study group meeting in my room, I heard screaming and shouting coming from the hallway. With a roll of my eyes, I went out to investigate. From the room directly next to me, I saw a few of my residents standing out in the hallway, hands clasped over their mouths and a loud commotion coming from their common room. Concerned once again, I inquired as to what the problem was. Come to find out, apparently their bathroom door was shaking within its frame, as if someone was pushing it and knocking on it, from the inside. The girls refused to open the door, obviously scared to death.
Well, being afraid that something serious was going on, and knowing that it was my job to take care of these girls, walked right up and opened the door. As soon as the door swung open, the girls that were crowded around me screamed, and this is what we saw.
(If you can't tell, they're wearing clear masks...)
Apparently, they were some of my other residents playing a trick on their floor mates. Oh, my residents.
Well, even though school has been in session for almost a month now, very little has gone on.
The first thing that I was ever called in on was something completely harmless, yet scary and hilarious all wrapped into one. I was sitting in my arm chair that faces my door on my duty night, doing some homework, when one of my residents appeared in my doorway. She was half laughing, obviously trying to speak. She managed to let out that she needed my "muscles" in her suite mate's room. Curious and half concerned, I followed her, figuring that maybe they needed to move some furniture or something (since out furniture is outrageously heavy and bulky).
Anyway, on the way down the hallway, she explains to me that her suite mate and few friends were trying to lower the bed in her room that was lofted. Apparently, mid-move, something went awry, causing one of the friends to become trapped. Needless to say, my concern grew and my pace quickened.
When we arrived, I walked into the room and saw a boy holding up one end of the bed. obviously he couldn't move, else the bed would come crashing to the floor. I relaxed a little, figuring that this is what my resident called being "trapped," and started to devise a plan to free him from his position. That is, until I heard a voice coming from between the two beds. Bending over and cocking my head to the side, I realized that between the wall and the lower bed, and UNDER the bed that was being held up by the other boy, was yet ANOTHER boy, quite literally trapped between the beds. He gave me a cheery hello and waved. My jaw dropped in disbelief. He assured me he was okay, just rather uncomfortable with being pinned in such a way. The other boy shared that we couldn't just pull the bed out from off him, but it would have to be lifted, since the bar on the other side of the higher bed was on the wall side of the boy. Luckily, however, there was a group of boys going down the hallway, which one of my residents flagged down, and they came in and assisted us in lifting it off the poor boy.
Once freed, the boy just laughed. All the while, I was trying to regain a normal breathing pattern and heart beat. how the hell does that happen!? It definitely made for a good story for my fellow RAs.
Then, last week, while having a study group meeting in my room, I heard screaming and shouting coming from the hallway. With a roll of my eyes, I went out to investigate. From the room directly next to me, I saw a few of my residents standing out in the hallway, hands clasped over their mouths and a loud commotion coming from their common room. Concerned once again, I inquired as to what the problem was. Come to find out, apparently their bathroom door was shaking within its frame, as if someone was pushing it and knocking on it, from the inside. The girls refused to open the door, obviously scared to death.
Well, being afraid that something serious was going on, and knowing that it was my job to take care of these girls, walked right up and opened the door. As soon as the door swung open, the girls that were crowded around me screamed, and this is what we saw.
(If you can't tell, they're wearing clear masks...)Apparently, they were some of my other residents playing a trick on their floor mates. Oh, my residents.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Jessie Jean - 1: Tea - 1
Looking back, it always seems like the best posts that I update here are the ones that I recount an event of me spilling something on either myself or something I own. Well today, I win, because I did both. Although looking at it from the outside looking in, I guess it would more likely be classified as a fail rather than a win.
I win at failing.
There we go. That's Jessie Jean in a nut shell.
So anyway. As I am going about my own business on this late summer night, I decided that while studying, some yummy and hot Earl Grey tea sounded mighty perfect. After brewing some hot water and steeping the bags, I settled down at my computer, taking notes from my previously taken notes as well as a set of slides that had been supplied by my professor.
I was making great time. Copying things down once again to further solidify its place in my mind for the quiz I have tomorrow. And every once in a while, I would set down my pen and pick up my nice ceramic mug of tea and bask in its warmth and sweet taste.
On one occasion, however, I managed to have my notes on my lap in front of me as I was angled away from my computer, but still was succeeding in getting the information I needed from both sources for my new little notecards. Keeping my pen in hand, I decided to grab for my mug as I read a post over again, trying to decipher its meaning into something I could easily remember. As I drew the mug upwards to my lips and tilted it ever so slightly, I found my lips empty of the warm goodness of the tea, but felt an unexpected and surprisingly warm sensation on my bust and then on my stomach.
Acting quickly, I realized that because my full attention wasn't on the mug and my hand, I manged to miss my lips by about a good inch and a half. Now, I didn't think that my hand eye coordination in a peripheral sense was THAT bad, but apparently I was compeltely proven wrong.
I kept calm enough not to jump up and get the caramel colored tea all over my carpet, but let loose a few choice words in the moment, and looked down disgusted as my immaculately-written-out notes were now running together against a dull brown stained background.
I do have to say, however, that my timing couldn't have been more perfect. Had I done it about twenty minutes before hand, I would have a few scald burns on my upper torso that would match the ones on my fingers that I received while preparing the tea, and probably wouldn't have spared my carpet in the "heat" of the moment. (Yes, that was a very well-placed, albeit corny, pun. Back off, it's almost 1:30 in the morning and I'm running off of very little sleep as is).
To top it all off, in classic Jessie Jean style, I happened to be wearing not one, but two white shirts, which of course both fell victim to the caramel colored intruder. They are now soaking in a nice bath of cold water and stain treatment.
Take that, tea! You may have managed to strike against me, but I was MORE than capable to handle you and your powers of evil.
I win at failing.
There we go. That's Jessie Jean in a nut shell.
So anyway. As I am going about my own business on this late summer night, I decided that while studying, some yummy and hot Earl Grey tea sounded mighty perfect. After brewing some hot water and steeping the bags, I settled down at my computer, taking notes from my previously taken notes as well as a set of slides that had been supplied by my professor.
I was making great time. Copying things down once again to further solidify its place in my mind for the quiz I have tomorrow. And every once in a while, I would set down my pen and pick up my nice ceramic mug of tea and bask in its warmth and sweet taste.
On one occasion, however, I managed to have my notes on my lap in front of me as I was angled away from my computer, but still was succeeding in getting the information I needed from both sources for my new little notecards. Keeping my pen in hand, I decided to grab for my mug as I read a post over again, trying to decipher its meaning into something I could easily remember. As I drew the mug upwards to my lips and tilted it ever so slightly, I found my lips empty of the warm goodness of the tea, but felt an unexpected and surprisingly warm sensation on my bust and then on my stomach.
Acting quickly, I realized that because my full attention wasn't on the mug and my hand, I manged to miss my lips by about a good inch and a half. Now, I didn't think that my hand eye coordination in a peripheral sense was THAT bad, but apparently I was compeltely proven wrong.
I kept calm enough not to jump up and get the caramel colored tea all over my carpet, but let loose a few choice words in the moment, and looked down disgusted as my immaculately-written-out notes were now running together against a dull brown stained background.
I do have to say, however, that my timing couldn't have been more perfect. Had I done it about twenty minutes before hand, I would have a few scald burns on my upper torso that would match the ones on my fingers that I received while preparing the tea, and probably wouldn't have spared my carpet in the "heat" of the moment. (Yes, that was a very well-placed, albeit corny, pun. Back off, it's almost 1:30 in the morning and I'm running off of very little sleep as is).
To top it all off, in classic Jessie Jean style, I happened to be wearing not one, but two white shirts, which of course both fell victim to the caramel colored intruder. They are now soaking in a nice bath of cold water and stain treatment.
Take that, tea! You may have managed to strike against me, but I was MORE than capable to handle you and your powers of evil.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Ugh
I’m making sure that I make my mark on society today, before I go and take a nap and sleep away my sickness.
Today, I feel like crap. I’m not hungry, I’m exhausted, goofy but physically and emotionally run down.
I guess it doesn’t help that when I was handed the directions to our class trip in Saturday, we’re taking the exact route that Josh takes when he comes up here. And to make matters worse, we’re going straight through Martinsville. I guess it will be a test for me – how bad it hurts when I go through there and not see him to know my exact feelings for him since I waver on them so badly, mainly because I am scared death to admit anything and be hurt yet again.
I would love it if he decided to come up tonight after his class though, like he talks about.
It would definitely make me feel better.
Anyway, going to take a nap now – good by conscious world!
Today, I feel like crap. I’m not hungry, I’m exhausted, goofy but physically and emotionally run down.
I guess it doesn’t help that when I was handed the directions to our class trip in Saturday, we’re taking the exact route that Josh takes when he comes up here. And to make matters worse, we’re going straight through Martinsville. I guess it will be a test for me – how bad it hurts when I go through there and not see him to know my exact feelings for him since I waver on them so badly, mainly because I am scared death to admit anything and be hurt yet again.
I would love it if he decided to come up tonight after his class though, like he talks about.
It would definitely make me feel better.
Anyway, going to take a nap now – good by conscious world!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Jessie Jean: Sardonic, sarcastic and snarky alike.
If you've cared to peruse my archives, you'll see that a majority of my entries are centered around my witty and observant nature. That's just me. I'm always see things with a different eye, rather through the lens and view finder of my camera, or through the eyes of someone who has been through a lot of circumstances, both good and bad, who digests them in different ways than that of a normal person.
My sarcastic and snarky nature of mine is what makes other people laugh and smile, of which I love. I'm hoping to more incorporate this into my writing, like I have on here, so that maybe I can make something of it one day. My project in journalism class in my freshman year in college was great, I thought. It got the message across of what I was doing, as well as incorporated my sense of humour.
The difference, I've noticed, is hat on here, I'm certain no one reads it, and I primarily write for my self. I always hope that people come across it and laugh, or see my inner thoughts, but most of the time, I know they won't. (On a side note, if anyone does read my blog, I apologize for the emo entries. People go through that sometimes and even though sometimes I contain it, sometimes my filter doesn't work so well.) I'm so much more free on here, and I'm going to start doing that on my writings for the paper.
So this is my goal. Do what I love and put my passion into what I'm good at. I'm a firm believer that if you have the passion and don't use it, you don't deserve to have it at all.
My sarcastic and snarky nature of mine is what makes other people laugh and smile, of which I love. I'm hoping to more incorporate this into my writing, like I have on here, so that maybe I can make something of it one day. My project in journalism class in my freshman year in college was great, I thought. It got the message across of what I was doing, as well as incorporated my sense of humour.
The difference, I've noticed, is hat on here, I'm certain no one reads it, and I primarily write for my self. I always hope that people come across it and laugh, or see my inner thoughts, but most of the time, I know they won't. (On a side note, if anyone does read my blog, I apologize for the emo entries. People go through that sometimes and even though sometimes I contain it, sometimes my filter doesn't work so well.) I'm so much more free on here, and I'm going to start doing that on my writings for the paper.
So this is my goal. Do what I love and put my passion into what I'm good at. I'm a firm believer that if you have the passion and don't use it, you don't deserve to have it at all.
Friday, July 24, 2009
"Help me Fall"
This song came on my Pandor shuffle yesterday, an dit almost made me cry. It really shouldn't, since things have been resolved and I know what's going on... but you can't deny the argument going on in one's head.
I've been trying not to love you
I've been putting up a fight
I've been barely holding on
And letting go with all my might
There's a part of me that's empty
I know only love can fillI'm afraid
I'll never find it
And I'm scared to death I will
Help me fall
Help me fall
If you care for me at all
Help me fallHelp me fall
I've been holding conversations
When I haven't said a word
I've been speaking with my silence
And praying that you heard
I'm a walking contradiction
I'd hate to be my heart
It keeps trying not to love you
But it don't know where to start
Help me fall
Help me fall
If you care for me at all
Help me fallHelp me fall
I've got to learn to re-trust
To turn me into us
And I really don't know if I can again
Help me fall
Help me fall
If you care for me at all
Help me fall
Help me fall
I've been trying not to love you
I've been putting up a fight
I've been barely holding on
Letting go with all my might
I've been trying not to love you
I've been putting up a fight
I've been barely holding on
And letting go with all my might
There's a part of me that's empty
I know only love can fillI'm afraid
I'll never find it
And I'm scared to death I will
Help me fall
Help me fall
If you care for me at all
Help me fallHelp me fall
I've been holding conversations
When I haven't said a word
I've been speaking with my silence
And praying that you heard
I'm a walking contradiction
I'd hate to be my heart
It keeps trying not to love you
But it don't know where to start
Help me fall
Help me fall
If you care for me at all
Help me fallHelp me fall
I've got to learn to re-trust
To turn me into us
And I really don't know if I can again
Help me fall
Help me fall
If you care for me at all
Help me fall
Help me fall
I've been trying not to love you
I've been putting up a fight
I've been barely holding on
Letting go with all my might
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Realization Babble
There's a harsh realization that people more often than not experience at some time in their lives, whether it be during a gut-wrenching emotional time, or even in a time when it seems like everythign is going their way. This wonderful little life-altering epiphany can range from "sock in the stomach" to "well, damn," but usually, and I use the word loosely, results in some sort of change in understanding and action.
For the life of me, I can't put it into words that would simplify the whole meaning, as that would be entirely too easy for people to shoot down. "Well, Jessie, you know that you're just overly-philosophical," they might say, "and you're just coming up with his because you yourself are going through a hard time. It doesn't mean that it's a universal idea." (That's part of the problem, words, as strong as they can be in some instances, can fail in others. They put too much of a brand on things and can narrow the spectrum of what is really trying to be conveyed to a point where the true meaning and thoughts are lost completely to the ignorant and arrogant populous in which we all reside).
Anyway, this realization woudl include watching, wanting, hoping for something for so long, and finally knowing htat you'll never have in the way you want it. Granted, most of life is about disappointment, and hardly ever will you get what you want exactly, but what I'm talking about is slightly different. It's the feeling you feel during. When you want to be so much a part of something, and share in everything, cause happiness and share in that too. Where you are constantly an outsider looking in, and realize that you're always going to just outside the circles that you so desperately just want to be a part of - not to be like everyone else, but just to have that foundation that you've missed out on in every other aspect of your life. When all you can do is receive what you want in untangible ways that aren't nearly as satisfying as if you could acually, plysically and emotionally get the gratification of having it in stone, or skin to skin, or pen on paper.
The feeling of finding something so perfect that describes something, but no one understand it on the same angle or even the same plane. The feeling is one that weighs upon you, because there's nothing you can do about it, not directly anyway. There's no way to change what ended up being chiseled in stone when it's not what you wanted, or even close. There's no way to change minds that don't want to be changed, or that life has otherwise altered in ways that are unavoidable. That's why people change. To get away and get another change on a different venue, or a different life, if you will. Why people stop one thing and move on to another. Why people change aspects of themselves when no one has outright asked or hinted at them doing so. Sometimes it's for the better. Sometimes it's for the second chance at another thing.
All the same, the feeling that everyone feels in all these instances is what everyone experiences. This feeling is unbiased to age, race, occupation, place of status in life, anything that might normally divide us emotionally viable beings. The happiest man on earth might not experience them. But if he's happy enough to not experience and go through normal human emotions, then what's the point of that? I'm not saying these kinds of thoguths or changes are anywhere near sought after or desirable, but it's all part of it. Those who have gone through them, hopefully, in every aspect of life, have ended up in a better place.
Or so we can only hope, since it sucks so fucking bad before and while it's happening.
Maybe I am being over-philosophical, since if I had to self-diagnose, I would be in this state. Maybe it's because I feel things are so futile. Or maybe because my smile is just a smile.
Currently listening:Dust in the WindBy KansasRelease date: 2003
For the life of me, I can't put it into words that would simplify the whole meaning, as that would be entirely too easy for people to shoot down. "Well, Jessie, you know that you're just overly-philosophical," they might say, "and you're just coming up with his because you yourself are going through a hard time. It doesn't mean that it's a universal idea." (That's part of the problem, words, as strong as they can be in some instances, can fail in others. They put too much of a brand on things and can narrow the spectrum of what is really trying to be conveyed to a point where the true meaning and thoughts are lost completely to the ignorant and arrogant populous in which we all reside).
Anyway, this realization woudl include watching, wanting, hoping for something for so long, and finally knowing htat you'll never have in the way you want it. Granted, most of life is about disappointment, and hardly ever will you get what you want exactly, but what I'm talking about is slightly different. It's the feeling you feel during. When you want to be so much a part of something, and share in everything, cause happiness and share in that too. Where you are constantly an outsider looking in, and realize that you're always going to just outside the circles that you so desperately just want to be a part of - not to be like everyone else, but just to have that foundation that you've missed out on in every other aspect of your life. When all you can do is receive what you want in untangible ways that aren't nearly as satisfying as if you could acually, plysically and emotionally get the gratification of having it in stone, or skin to skin, or pen on paper.
The feeling of finding something so perfect that describes something, but no one understand it on the same angle or even the same plane. The feeling is one that weighs upon you, because there's nothing you can do about it, not directly anyway. There's no way to change what ended up being chiseled in stone when it's not what you wanted, or even close. There's no way to change minds that don't want to be changed, or that life has otherwise altered in ways that are unavoidable. That's why people change. To get away and get another change on a different venue, or a different life, if you will. Why people stop one thing and move on to another. Why people change aspects of themselves when no one has outright asked or hinted at them doing so. Sometimes it's for the better. Sometimes it's for the second chance at another thing.
All the same, the feeling that everyone feels in all these instances is what everyone experiences. This feeling is unbiased to age, race, occupation, place of status in life, anything that might normally divide us emotionally viable beings. The happiest man on earth might not experience them. But if he's happy enough to not experience and go through normal human emotions, then what's the point of that? I'm not saying these kinds of thoguths or changes are anywhere near sought after or desirable, but it's all part of it. Those who have gone through them, hopefully, in every aspect of life, have ended up in a better place.
Or so we can only hope, since it sucks so fucking bad before and while it's happening.
Maybe I am being over-philosophical, since if I had to self-diagnose, I would be in this state. Maybe it's because I feel things are so futile. Or maybe because my smile is just a smile.
Currently listening:Dust in the WindBy KansasRelease date: 2003
Monday, June 15, 2009
The "Messiah Complex"
I've been told that I have an interested trait, one that could be the death of me or make me a saint. it's come up on a more than a few occasions, as of late, it's been named something that, as sacrilegious as it may be, fits.
One of my dad's co-workers called it the "Messiah Complex," namely stating in name that my actions and wants center around other people in such a way that I feel I need to and can help and save everyone, of course taking its base from that of Jesus Christ, who did save everyone, yadda yadda yadda.
I guess it fits. I dive into things to help people headfirst, not caring about the emotional or physical affects they have upon myself. There are matters and problems, however, which can't be ignored. I don't understand how other people, even if they're not familiar with the situation, can sit on the sidelines and watch. I guess I relate it to people who have CPR certification - if they stand by and watch someone suffer or die and not perform the procedure, they can be charged with a felony or neglect because they had the ability and knowledge to help, but didn't. In the instances of which I'm talking, we don't always have the knowledge to help, but more often than not, we have the ability.
I just find that I have the ability to help anyone who asks or if an event presents itself.
One of my dad's co-workers called it the "Messiah Complex," namely stating in name that my actions and wants center around other people in such a way that I feel I need to and can help and save everyone, of course taking its base from that of Jesus Christ, who did save everyone, yadda yadda yadda.
I guess it fits. I dive into things to help people headfirst, not caring about the emotional or physical affects they have upon myself. There are matters and problems, however, which can't be ignored. I don't understand how other people, even if they're not familiar with the situation, can sit on the sidelines and watch. I guess I relate it to people who have CPR certification - if they stand by and watch someone suffer or die and not perform the procedure, they can be charged with a felony or neglect because they had the ability and knowledge to help, but didn't. In the instances of which I'm talking, we don't always have the knowledge to help, but more often than not, we have the ability.
I just find that I have the ability to help anyone who asks or if an event presents itself.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Better?
I don't know what to even say. I have had so many thoughts, shed needless, stupid tears over things out of my control. And yet, all I can do is try harder.
I don't quite understand why. But it's true. It's what I do. All I can do is follow what I feel is right, whether or not it ends up with me hurt once again. Because if I don't, chances are it will hurt even more than if it backfired.
I don't quite understand why. But it's true. It's what I do. All I can do is follow what I feel is right, whether or not it ends up with me hurt once again. Because if I don't, chances are it will hurt even more than if it backfired.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Damn songs
Really, I'm not even trying anymore. It just happens!
When people keep repeating
That you'll never fall in love
When everybody keeps retreating
But you can't seem to get enough
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
When everything feels all over
When everybody seems unkind
I'll give you a four-leaf clover
Take all the worry out of your mind
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart I have the only key to your heart
I can stop you falling apart
Try today, you'll find this way
Come on and give me a chance to say
Let my love open the door
It's all I'm living for
Release yourself from misery
Only one thing's gonna set you free
That's my love
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
When tragedy befalls you
Don't let them bring you down
Love can cure your problem
You're so lucky I'm around
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
When people keep repeating
That you'll never fall in love
When everybody keeps retreating
But you can't seem to get enough
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
When everything feels all over
When everybody seems unkind
I'll give you a four-leaf clover
Take all the worry out of your mind
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart I have the only key to your heart
I can stop you falling apart
Try today, you'll find this way
Come on and give me a chance to say
Let my love open the door
It's all I'm living for
Release yourself from misery
Only one thing's gonna set you free
That's my love
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
When tragedy befalls you
Don't let them bring you down
Love can cure your problem
You're so lucky I'm around
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Again with the military brat-ness
I've been struggling again lately. I guess it's spawned from spending so much time in Martinsville, around my friends who have pretty much spent their whole lives in that town, or close to it, around the same people, all the time. Some of them hate it, I know, because they claim it's boring and you can't get away with anything in a small town.
I would love it.
Sometimes when I'm talking to Josh, he'll reference thing about the past or inside townie jokes, and I just stare at him, so he has to awkwardly explain the whole thing, etc etc. I don't know the town like they do, not the people, its history or anything of the sort. All I know about it is that great people live there, and given the choice, I'd choose a town like that over my big city/suburbs.
I really wish I had that. I mean, Linthicum and my friends from high school are amazing, but I've only lives there the last what, eight years? Before that I was moving around every two years and starting new. That's all well and good, and I am lucky for the chance and experience, but I would love to consider myself stable. Even now, as I'm on campus all summer, I'm lonely as hell, even more so than any other time in my life. It's partly because there's not many people on campus and that I'm far away from home, but also because I don't really have that network. My extended family lives here, but they still are getting to know me, and getting used to the fact that I do infact live close enough to be considered for get togethers. But my immediate family lives 600 miles away.
I can't win, it seems. I'm not going to say that I'll always lose in this aspect, because I would love to one day start my own family and settle them in a place that makes everyone happy, as much as possible. I'm trying not to put a bad spin on things, because God knows that thigns aren't bad for me. I'm used to these kinds of transitions - they're what I grew up with. However, I'm looking forward to the future for things to settle down for me, maybe once and for all.
Maybe.
IRONICALLY "Settlin'" by Sugarland is playing atm. I swear to God, I didn't plan that.
Damn signs. They're everywhere, and I can't avoid them!
I would love it.
Sometimes when I'm talking to Josh, he'll reference thing about the past or inside townie jokes, and I just stare at him, so he has to awkwardly explain the whole thing, etc etc. I don't know the town like they do, not the people, its history or anything of the sort. All I know about it is that great people live there, and given the choice, I'd choose a town like that over my big city/suburbs.
I really wish I had that. I mean, Linthicum and my friends from high school are amazing, but I've only lives there the last what, eight years? Before that I was moving around every two years and starting new. That's all well and good, and I am lucky for the chance and experience, but I would love to consider myself stable. Even now, as I'm on campus all summer, I'm lonely as hell, even more so than any other time in my life. It's partly because there's not many people on campus and that I'm far away from home, but also because I don't really have that network. My extended family lives here, but they still are getting to know me, and getting used to the fact that I do infact live close enough to be considered for get togethers. But my immediate family lives 600 miles away.
I can't win, it seems. I'm not going to say that I'll always lose in this aspect, because I would love to one day start my own family and settle them in a place that makes everyone happy, as much as possible. I'm trying not to put a bad spin on things, because God knows that thigns aren't bad for me. I'm used to these kinds of transitions - they're what I grew up with. However, I'm looking forward to the future for things to settle down for me, maybe once and for all.
Maybe.
IRONICALLY "Settlin'" by Sugarland is playing atm. I swear to God, I didn't plan that.
Damn signs. They're everywhere, and I can't avoid them!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Courtly Love
I found this, from my Classical and Medieval Literature class this spring. I had looked upon it with scorned and bitter eyes when he handed it out (early in the semester) but now that I have a clear head, a good number of these still apply and make perfect sense, even though it was written around 1175.
I pointed out my favorite ones.
(Remember MAN refers to all humans, in most cases, not just those no good guys. ;))
The Art of Courtly Love
(a.k.a – the rules of the love that we all want, but that makes us sick when we don’t have it)
1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2. He who is not jealous cannot love.
3. No one can be bound by double love.
4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5. That which a lover takes against his will of his beloved has no relish.
6. Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9. No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love.
10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one should be ashamed to seek to marry.
12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13. When made public love rarely endure.
14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
17. A new love puts to flight an old one.
18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
20. A man in love is always apprehensive.
21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
22. Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved.
23. He whom the thought of love vexes, eats and sleep very little.
24. Every act of a lover ends with in the thought of his beloved.
25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26. Love can deny nothing to love.
27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
I pointed out my favorite ones.
(Remember MAN refers to all humans, in most cases, not just those no good guys. ;))
The Art of Courtly Love
(a.k.a – the rules of the love that we all want, but that makes us sick when we don’t have it)
1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2. He who is not jealous cannot love.
3. No one can be bound by double love.
4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5. That which a lover takes against his will of his beloved has no relish.
6. Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9. No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love.
10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one should be ashamed to seek to marry.
12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13. When made public love rarely endure.
14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
17. A new love puts to flight an old one.
18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
20. A man in love is always apprehensive.
21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
22. Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved.
23. He whom the thought of love vexes, eats and sleep very little.
24. Every act of a lover ends with in the thought of his beloved.
25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26. Love can deny nothing to love.
27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
Things I do while Carole is busy...
Today at work, I've been working all morning on various things that are important to my position, but of course, when I'm at a standstill and need Carole's help, she has a conference call. not her fault, just poor timing on everything's part.
So at the moment, I'm entertaining myself with my new obsession, thanks to Leah from band, Texts from Last night, the last text you should never have sent. She introduced me to it in Ocean city and I just remembered.
They're a riot. Here are some of my favorites:
"(908): Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
(908): Fuck I'm high."
"(205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
(1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness...."
"(530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
(1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
(530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye."
"(724): And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after."
"(847): I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
(773): Too tired to pretend that I care : ( "
"(504): Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to. (This one sounds like Josh!)
"(305): Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D: "
"(918): I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater. "
"(425): Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility."
"(901): I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
(601): Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
(901): ...are you coming on to me?
This is all well and good for keeping me occupied, however, when your boss is on a conference call ten feet away and you're trying to contain your laughter and not roll on the floor, it's probably not a good idea.
So at the moment, I'm entertaining myself with my new obsession, thanks to Leah from band, Texts from Last night, the last text you should never have sent. She introduced me to it in Ocean city and I just remembered.
They're a riot. Here are some of my favorites:
"(908): Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
(908): Fuck I'm high."
"(205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
(1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness...."
"(530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
(1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
(530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye."
"(724): And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after."
"(847): I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
(773): Too tired to pretend that I care : ( "
"(504): Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to. (This one sounds like Josh!)
"(305): Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D: "
"(918): I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater. "
"(425): Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility."
"(901): I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
(601): Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
(901): ...are you coming on to me?
This is all well and good for keeping me occupied, however, when your boss is on a conference call ten feet away and you're trying to contain your laughter and not roll on the floor, it's probably not a good idea.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Professionalism at its best
If anyone EVER questions my professionalism or appropriate adult behavior, I swear, they’re either high or caught me on an off day. I think I proved to myself and anyone who knows me just how nice and good natured I am.
Today was the registrations and pre-orientation for the in-coming Freshmen at school. I was working with my boss, who runs a couple of the student organizations, standing around talking to those in-coming students and their parents about the OVS, the IRC, Pathways and OCS. She was also doing a favor for the campus pastor, setting up a station for him. Well, none of us really know anything about the campus ministry stuff, so we were a little lost to do anything other than just put the stuff out.
Well, me always wanting to help people, and also being incredibly observant, realized that one of the Student Orientation Leaders was in on some of the Campus Ministry stuff, at least at the beginning of the year. Talking to someone from school normally isn’t a feat for me, but this girl in particular, I’ve had some run-ins with. She was a first year last year, and let’s just put it that she’s involved with my ex now, the one who broke up with me for said girl.
Anyway, I pulled her aside, which I’m sure was a little awkward and maybe a little scary for her, since the only thing we’ve exchanged since then has been glares and I would occasionally wink at her to make her uncomfortable. I asked her if she would help, and she agreed, not promising how much she would be of use. Apparently there did end up being a conflict, because when she came back, she came and talked to me for a little while about the tour she had just lead as I gave her a piece of the candy we were giving out. (I had already given a piece to all the rest of the SOL’s and it’s not in me to be a bitch that much).
I used her name when I talked to her AND looked her in the eyes. And you know what? It didn’t bother me in the slightest. I guess that I’m completely over the whole situation, and realize that I can’t hate her or dislike her because she’s a human being just like everyone else. Granted, I did love that boy, and granted, she was the catalyst of our breakup, but she’s just trying to be happy like anyone, even if it did hurt me a ton. I still don’t have to respect her very much, but her human status has returned. If she loves him, better for her. I actually think they're a good match.
So, I did the adult thing and asked for help and talked to her. However, I don’t see any movie nights or dates in our future. ;)
Signs, feelings and smack in the face.
I was told a few days ago that you can't change some people's minds, no matter what you do or say. I know this to be true, because nine times out of ten I'm a stubborn ass, but in some cases, if you're the one pressuring, you do have to take a couple steps back and just let things play out on their own, no matter how much it may hurt, annoy or drive you crazy because you can't help. Granted, anyone who knows me knows I cannot stand by and watch someone self destruct, but it happens. Pressuring will only push that person or the situation away further and further.
My problem lies in having to disregard signs. Things that slapped me in the face, sent chills down my spine and made me smile seemingly permanently. And hearing about them on the other side.
Well, I guess, as my hero and idol says, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." Maybe something even better will happen. Hopefully. Just gotta keep that smile. :)
My problem lies in having to disregard signs. Things that slapped me in the face, sent chills down my spine and made me smile seemingly permanently. And hearing about them on the other side.
Well, I guess, as my hero and idol says, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." Maybe something even better will happen. Hopefully. Just gotta keep that smile. :)
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Things that make me laugh:
- People ordering a huge meal at McDonalds and a diet soda OR ordering a non fat or soy latte (because they're lactose intolerant) and then getting gobs of whipped cream on top.
- Hypocrites, although they make me really mad too.
- Pimped out P.O.S. cars. Like the Chevy Cavalier is not a car that needs neon lights underneath, or a spoiler, or racing stripes. Or a fart box. It's ridiculous!
- Little kids. They make me smile and laugh. :)
Just a thought:
How many people would be able to believe being called "an amazing girl" by three of their exes in as many days, especially if those three exes are the ones who ended the relationships?
Lol. Just what I'm dealing with at the moment. Seems like they're just telling me what I want to hear.
Lol. Just what I'm dealing with at the moment. Seems like they're just telling me what I want to hear.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
How I failed today...
I was up at a lake north of school for the past three days, and today me and one of the leaders of the group went kayaking. Now, this isn't really a big deal for me, since I've been quite a few times on the bay at home during various school events of summer programs.
we had a good ride, going almost all the way around the big lake and both of us weren't really tired. We got to a point, though, were we could see our retreat center straight out across the expanse of the lake. My partner said something, and just at that time, a resident of the lake started up a leaf blower to clean off the nearby dock. Well, I asked her to repeat it a couple times, being too far away to read her lips as I usually would have. So on the third time, silly me, leaned in to hear her. Well, I was on a kayak, and whoever has been on a kayak knows how unstable they are, especially the plastic ones, compared to fibre glass.
I flipped it. YUP. I flipped the damn thing. Well, I flipped it back over, and realized that there was no way i could get back into it. We were about twenty yards from a dock, so I swam and drug the thing behind me. Now, luckily, I'm a very strong swimmer and was wearing a life vest. So getting there was no problem, but swimming with something attached to you that's bigger than you is like being a wet washcloth.
Anyway, I made it there alright, and managed to climb up the dock and try to get back in. Failure times two. I flipped again since the thing was full of water. So I tried again, thinking maybe it was just me being a ditz. Failure times three. Flipped again.
So then my partner realized that there was a set of steps on the other side of the dock, so I swam over there, pulled it up, or attempted to. I couldn't get it up the damn steps, the thing was so full of water. I did manage to get it up on the steps a little bit, where I was able to turn it a little to get some of the water out. I then could get in the thing, but it was still pretty full with water, and it felt like I was sitting in a bathtub. And when I tried to row, however, I flipped again.
By this time, I was fully frustrated. But then I realized that it only made sense to not flip the damn thing upright again, and pull it up the steps upside down to drain it of water. I did it, got it up fine, drained it of almost all the water, and got in, completely stable.
So, I failed a good four times today. HOWEVER: I did manage not to lose anything while I was being flipped around. I had sunglasses on my head, and managed to grab those, flipflops on my feet, and a shirt that I had discarded earlier in the ride. And, I kept my retainer in!
I may have failed terribly, but I win too! ;)
we had a good ride, going almost all the way around the big lake and both of us weren't really tired. We got to a point, though, were we could see our retreat center straight out across the expanse of the lake. My partner said something, and just at that time, a resident of the lake started up a leaf blower to clean off the nearby dock. Well, I asked her to repeat it a couple times, being too far away to read her lips as I usually would have. So on the third time, silly me, leaned in to hear her. Well, I was on a kayak, and whoever has been on a kayak knows how unstable they are, especially the plastic ones, compared to fibre glass.
I flipped it. YUP. I flipped the damn thing. Well, I flipped it back over, and realized that there was no way i could get back into it. We were about twenty yards from a dock, so I swam and drug the thing behind me. Now, luckily, I'm a very strong swimmer and was wearing a life vest. So getting there was no problem, but swimming with something attached to you that's bigger than you is like being a wet washcloth.
Anyway, I made it there alright, and managed to climb up the dock and try to get back in. Failure times two. I flipped again since the thing was full of water. So I tried again, thinking maybe it was just me being a ditz. Failure times three. Flipped again.
So then my partner realized that there was a set of steps on the other side of the dock, so I swam over there, pulled it up, or attempted to. I couldn't get it up the damn steps, the thing was so full of water. I did manage to get it up on the steps a little bit, where I was able to turn it a little to get some of the water out. I then could get in the thing, but it was still pretty full with water, and it felt like I was sitting in a bathtub. And when I tried to row, however, I flipped again.
By this time, I was fully frustrated. But then I realized that it only made sense to not flip the damn thing upright again, and pull it up the steps upside down to drain it of water. I did it, got it up fine, drained it of almost all the water, and got in, completely stable.
So, I failed a good four times today. HOWEVER: I did manage not to lose anything while I was being flipped around. I had sunglasses on my head, and managed to grab those, flipflops on my feet, and a shirt that I had discarded earlier in the ride. And, I kept my retainer in!
I may have failed terribly, but I win too! ;)
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I can't seem to get over the annoying trait of finding myself in movies, books and songs.
"I guess it's hard for people who are so used to things the way they are - even if they're bad - to change. 'Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kinda of loses." ~ Trevor, Pay it Forward.
I think its true though, some people are so petrified of change. Ahgh,
"I guess it's hard for people who are so used to things the way they are - even if they're bad - to change. 'Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kinda of loses." ~ Trevor, Pay it Forward.
I think its true though, some people are so petrified of change. Ahgh,
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
"Whatever It Takes" Lyrics
"If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
Fuck you, Lifehouse.
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
Fuck you, Lifehouse.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Well roll me in mud and diagnose me with Swine Flu.
I think this whole "pandemic" scare and craziness is absolute bullshit.
I can honestly say that I would love to contract the virus, just so I can be put in the little glass bubble that society will no doubt put me in, and show people that it's nothing to be worried about. I'd let them watch every sneeze, sniffle, cough and possible vomiting spell, mouthing the words "BIG DEAL" the whole time. Yes, because these symptoms are so very different from the normal flue. Everyone seems to be going absolutely insane that there are people dying of this sickness. The numbers are tiny compared to the world's population, meaning that the percentage is probably still within the decimal range. Most of the reported deaths, according to most sources, are elderly, those in poverty, and the young. The old - well, that's no surprise. Their immune systems are influenced by other ailments that they no doubt suffer from, and are obviously not as strong physically to combat such an "invasion." Those in poverty can't afford the proper care, and newsflash people: Anything that lowers your immune system and is allowed to continue unchecked and untreated, can and probably will kill you. And children, hello, aren't built from that kind of thing.
Also, do people realize that thousands upon thousands people die of the "normal" flu every year? It's not like people go completely ape shit over the normal strain. Yes, people get flu shots, but once again, I'd like to point out the demographics of the highest percentage of people who receive flue shots in the US - the elderly and the young. Sound familiar?
So, don't be prejudice against the pigs, people. And for God's sake, don't stop eating pork. Calm down, and don't hate the Mexicans.
POINT: Anyone think this could be a ploy to get people's vote to close the Southern borders? The whole thing originated from Mexico, and outside of tacos and crystalline beaches, Mexico has been nothing but a thorn in some American's sides for years.
Granted, I don't think that Mexico did the right thing in keeping the "outbreak" under wraps until after the Spring Break rush, but honestly, who could blame them? That's one of their top forms of revenue. There's no doubt that students would have rerouted their drunken escapades, causing a substantial loss in tourism to poor old Mexico.
Oh well. Cover your coughs, stay away from Mexico, and CALM DOWN!
PROOF
I can honestly say that I would love to contract the virus, just so I can be put in the little glass bubble that society will no doubt put me in, and show people that it's nothing to be worried about. I'd let them watch every sneeze, sniffle, cough and possible vomiting spell, mouthing the words "BIG DEAL" the whole time. Yes, because these symptoms are so very different from the normal flue. Everyone seems to be going absolutely insane that there are people dying of this sickness. The numbers are tiny compared to the world's population, meaning that the percentage is probably still within the decimal range. Most of the reported deaths, according to most sources, are elderly, those in poverty, and the young. The old - well, that's no surprise. Their immune systems are influenced by other ailments that they no doubt suffer from, and are obviously not as strong physically to combat such an "invasion." Those in poverty can't afford the proper care, and newsflash people: Anything that lowers your immune system and is allowed to continue unchecked and untreated, can and probably will kill you. And children, hello, aren't built from that kind of thing.
Also, do people realize that thousands upon thousands people die of the "normal" flu every year? It's not like people go completely ape shit over the normal strain. Yes, people get flu shots, but once again, I'd like to point out the demographics of the highest percentage of people who receive flue shots in the US - the elderly and the young. Sound familiar?
So, don't be prejudice against the pigs, people. And for God's sake, don't stop eating pork. Calm down, and don't hate the Mexicans.
POINT: Anyone think this could be a ploy to get people's vote to close the Southern borders? The whole thing originated from Mexico, and outside of tacos and crystalline beaches, Mexico has been nothing but a thorn in some American's sides for years.
Granted, I don't think that Mexico did the right thing in keeping the "outbreak" under wraps until after the Spring Break rush, but honestly, who could blame them? That's one of their top forms of revenue. There's no doubt that students would have rerouted their drunken escapades, causing a substantial loss in tourism to poor old Mexico.
Oh well. Cover your coughs, stay away from Mexico, and CALM DOWN!
PROOF
Friday, May 1, 2009
Jessicas Galore!
I just answered the phone, and it was a professor of my roommate, (whose name is Jessica also) and when he asked if he was speaking to Jessica, I responded,
"Yes, this is Jessica but Jessica's roommate's name is Jessica."
I swear there was at least thirty seconds of silence as he tried to figure that one out.
Win.
"Yes, this is Jessica but Jessica's roommate's name is Jessica."
I swear there was at least thirty seconds of silence as he tried to figure that one out.
Win.
Thin... like butter scraped over too much bread...
As of right now, I'm pretty booked. For just abou tthe next year, I have almost everything planned out in what I'm doing for what credits and jobs, etc. It's nice to hav ethe reassurance and planning, but leaves little room for things that come along that might also be great opportunities and learning experiences. I'm not complaining, not in the least, but just saying that flexibilty is nice. Sometimes I wish I could do all things that come my way and not have to turn down options that sound incredibly worthwhile.
But then again, if I did that, I would feel even more thin...
BTW, the title is a line from "Fellowship of the Ring."
But then again, if I did that, I would feel even more thin...
BTW, the title is a line from "Fellowship of the Ring."
Monday, April 27, 2009
This Song is Amazing...
I have the version by Garth Brooks, of course. And it's my theme at the moment. God, life is good!
Lazy yellow moon comin up tonite,
Shinin thru the trees,
Crickets are singin and lightning bugs
Are floatin on the breeze
Baby get ready.....
Across the field where the creek turns back by the ole stump road
Im gonna take you to a special place that nobody knows
Baby get ready.....ooooooooooo
You and me going fishing in the dark,
Lying on our backs and counting the stars
Where the cool grass grows.
Down by the river in the full moon light,
Well be fallin in love in the middle of the night
Just movin slow...
Stayin the whole night thru, feels so good to be with you...
Spring is almost over and the summers come
And the days are gettin long
Waited all winter for the time to be right, just to take you along
Baby get ready.....
And it dont matter if we sit forever and the fish dont bite
Jump in the river and cool ourselves from the heat of the night
Baby get ready.....ooooooooooo.
You and me going fishin in the dark.
Listening to:
"Fishing in the Dark" Garth Brooks
Lazy yellow moon comin up tonite,
Shinin thru the trees,
Crickets are singin and lightning bugs
Are floatin on the breeze
Baby get ready.....
Across the field where the creek turns back by the ole stump road
Im gonna take you to a special place that nobody knows
Baby get ready.....ooooooooooo
You and me going fishing in the dark,
Lying on our backs and counting the stars
Where the cool grass grows.
Down by the river in the full moon light,
Well be fallin in love in the middle of the night
Just movin slow...
Stayin the whole night thru, feels so good to be with you...
Spring is almost over and the summers come
And the days are gettin long
Waited all winter for the time to be right, just to take you along
Baby get ready.....
And it dont matter if we sit forever and the fish dont bite
Jump in the river and cool ourselves from the heat of the night
Baby get ready.....ooooooooooo.
You and me going fishin in the dark.
Listening to:
"Fishing in the Dark" Garth Brooks
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I Don't Need Help.
I don't think people understand me in the slightest most of the time. People can never tell when I'm serious about something, even though it feels like my eyes are blazing holes in them, or that I'm extremely stubborn and self sufficient. I never ask for help, nor do I ever really expect it. If I ask for help, it's because I'm desperate or I trust the person. I don't even like asking my family for things, and yet people misunderstand that.
Ugh. Right now, I'm still looking for a car. I'm thinking about selling my flute and camera to get some extra cash, since I've only got about $500 at the moment. I might have one more option, but I'm not taking any stock in that, as I'm not sure it will work. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to do everything for or by myself.
Listening to:
"If Tomorrow Never Comes" Garth Brooks
Ugh. Right now, I'm still looking for a car. I'm thinking about selling my flute and camera to get some extra cash, since I've only got about $500 at the moment. I might have one more option, but I'm not taking any stock in that, as I'm not sure it will work. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to do everything for or by myself.
Listening to:
"If Tomorrow Never Comes" Garth Brooks
Guys just don't understand...
My mom sent this to me in a chain letter. It's hilarious!!
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white
shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period , Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants ... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period ? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TXThursday, April 23, 2009
David after the Dentist
This made me laugh. I guess I'm reverting back to my youtube obsession from last year, when I was looking up all the funny videos of little kids ie: bluhd, little singing girl.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Note to self...
... do not lean against something while talking nonchalantly that you have just painted.
That crazy thing called confidence....
So, as of late, I have had a life changing epiphany. I'm not perfect, nor do I want to be. I've had an ultimate confidence boost in a time of my life that has seemed one of the worst, and it's a more than welcome change. I hold my head high, smile all the time, dance around badly like I used to not caring who is looking, and know that I'm worth something to myself, if not to anyone. It's a great feeling.
I think part of the change came from getting an RA position here at college, of which I have wanted for a while and knew I would be good. After all my hard work and sweat and tears, something is paying off and going right. And the best part, other people have seen that my personality is shiny and bright.
I have always thought being over-confident was annoying, since I have seen people who have an abundant amount of confidence make fools of themselves because they thought TOO much of themselves. I don't feel that right now, granted I'm not THAT flamboyant either. Haha! But really, it's nice to have a smile that is genuine that isn't even caused by some outward source, but rather from inside.
On an unrelated note, I have been missing home a lot lately, or rather a place to call home. I was utterly frustrated while filing my taxes because I couldn't figure out where the hell I could claim residency. Maryland was telling me one thing while Indiana gave a whole nother reasoning. Very disheartening and depressing. As my dad said though, "The curse of an Army brat." I don't know if I'll ever get away from that. In the same thought though --- it's looking less and less like I'm going to go back to Maryland after I graduate. The deciding factor, I suppose, is if I find this "love" thing that people tend to base their lives on. ;)
Listening to at the moment:
"Fire and Rain" James Taylor
"Come on Get Higher" Matt Nathanson
"Sunny Came Home"
I think part of the change came from getting an RA position here at college, of which I have wanted for a while and knew I would be good. After all my hard work and sweat and tears, something is paying off and going right. And the best part, other people have seen that my personality is shiny and bright.
I have always thought being over-confident was annoying, since I have seen people who have an abundant amount of confidence make fools of themselves because they thought TOO much of themselves. I don't feel that right now, granted I'm not THAT flamboyant either. Haha! But really, it's nice to have a smile that is genuine that isn't even caused by some outward source, but rather from inside.
On an unrelated note, I have been missing home a lot lately, or rather a place to call home. I was utterly frustrated while filing my taxes because I couldn't figure out where the hell I could claim residency. Maryland was telling me one thing while Indiana gave a whole nother reasoning. Very disheartening and depressing. As my dad said though, "The curse of an Army brat." I don't know if I'll ever get away from that. In the same thought though --- it's looking less and less like I'm going to go back to Maryland after I graduate. The deciding factor, I suppose, is if I find this "love" thing that people tend to base their lives on. ;)
Listening to at the moment:
"Fire and Rain" James Taylor
"Come on Get Higher" Matt Nathanson
"Sunny Came Home"
Friday, April 3, 2009
Oh Shakespeare, how I love and detest thee....
HAMLET
Ay, truly; for the power of beauty will soonertransform honesty from what it is to a bawd than theforce of honesty can translate beauty into hislikeness: this was sometime a paradox, but now thetime gives it proof. I did love you once.
OPHELIA
Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so.
HAMLET
You should not have believed me; for virtue cannotso inoculate our old stock but we shall relish ofit: I loved you not.
Ay, truly; for the power of beauty will soonertransform honesty from what it is to a bawd than theforce of honesty can translate beauty into hislikeness: this was sometime a paradox, but now thetime gives it proof. I did love you once.
OPHELIA
Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so.
HAMLET
You should not have believed me; for virtue cannotso inoculate our old stock but we shall relish ofit: I loved you not.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Psyc Discussion = Reality
It occurred to me that my Psych class is way too relevant for my own comfort.
We had a lecture, as we always do, and our Professor got on the subject (once again) of the differences between men and woman, especially those that he has seen in his marriage counseling career. What he described is that men something (more often than not) will enter a relationship with only half their available emotions, while a woman will usually be fully developed in the area. As in a simple math question, you have to have 1 x 1 to equal the whole 1 that people are looking for in a successful relationship. But if you only have 1/2 x 1, the equation comes out not quite to the answer that all parties want, and it ends up being lopsided. Women have the natural need and want to make things better, so they start giving in and giving more and more emotion until they gradually begin to burn out, losing more and more percentages of their full %100 emotion. So, as that begins to dwindle, the man starts seeing that there's something in the relationship that is different and wrong, and begins to panic and/or withdraw. So even though the woman gave her all and more, because the man didn't, he will usually back out, putting the blame on a change in relationship on the woman.
Completely true, I believe. I don't think we can blame the emotional available-ness of men on them, but rather their surroundings and past experiences. But to me, it explains why guys are so much more apt to move on quicker, considering they begin to see sooner than later that things are going down hill, and why shouldn't they? They haven't changed their actions in the relationship at all -- it's just the burning out of the woman by over loving/compensating.
Oh well.
Damn psych class, stop making sense.
We had a lecture, as we always do, and our Professor got on the subject (once again) of the differences between men and woman, especially those that he has seen in his marriage counseling career. What he described is that men something (more often than not) will enter a relationship with only half their available emotions, while a woman will usually be fully developed in the area. As in a simple math question, you have to have 1 x 1 to equal the whole 1 that people are looking for in a successful relationship. But if you only have 1/2 x 1, the equation comes out not quite to the answer that all parties want, and it ends up being lopsided. Women have the natural need and want to make things better, so they start giving in and giving more and more emotion until they gradually begin to burn out, losing more and more percentages of their full %100 emotion. So, as that begins to dwindle, the man starts seeing that there's something in the relationship that is different and wrong, and begins to panic and/or withdraw. So even though the woman gave her all and more, because the man didn't, he will usually back out, putting the blame on a change in relationship on the woman.
Completely true, I believe. I don't think we can blame the emotional available-ness of men on them, but rather their surroundings and past experiences. But to me, it explains why guys are so much more apt to move on quicker, considering they begin to see sooner than later that things are going down hill, and why shouldn't they? They haven't changed their actions in the relationship at all -- it's just the burning out of the woman by over loving/compensating.
Oh well.
Damn psych class, stop making sense.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Heathcliff - Monster or Misunderstood?
In my British Literature class this semester, we read Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights. For those of you who know the story, you might see where I’m going with this, but for those of you who don’t, it’s a story of dark romance, betrayal, vendettas and haunting images and memories. The main “villain” in the storyline is Heathcliff, the adopted, outcast Gypsy who is adopted by a well-meaning father but despised and detested by an older “brother” who makes his life a living hell.
Heathcliff is inarguably cruel. He is conniving and vengeful, spiteful and mean, but I would say that there is means to the madness.
It all started with Hindley (his older “brother) and the way he treated him. He treated him as a servant, no better or worse than the horses that drew their buggies. That kind of treatment will turn anyone sour. But the real catalyst in the situation is Cathy. He loves her. She is his saving grace in a life that is miserable and hard, and without her, he would be completely alone. He trusts her and her alone, having grown up with her and gotten to know her spirit – the real things that matter in loving someone.
And then, seemingly out of no where, his life turns upside down. With Cathy begins to spend time with the Lintons, she edges Heathcliff out completely, almost without warning, and seemingly without a care. She goes about her business as if nothing really happened and as if it doesn’t affect her one bit. We know, as the reader that she does indeed still love Heathcliff, but he doesn’t know that. He is betrayed by the only good thing he had in life, torn from the fairytale that he thought he was living and loving.
These events are enough to make anyone mad with rage, to the point of obsessive vengeance. He decided that instead of rolling in a ball and letting the misery of lost love and affection, he would strike his revenge back on those who hurt him (much like Frankenstein’s monster, not t mention).
Personally, I feel bad for Heathcliff. I think that pain like that is real. It’s such a pain that you can’t think or breathe because everything, everyone, and every moment reminds you what you’ve lost, and there isn’t a god damned thing you can do about it. Heathcliff was severely wronged by the family that took him in to give him a better life, and by the woman whom he loved with every fiber of his being.
In all respects, though, as sorry as I feel for him, I think that he could have not partaken in the actions he did that drove others to the madness he felt as well. There’s a lesson to be learned here, that if you’ve been wronged, you should make certain not to pass on the pain and misery to others, even if they did help to ruin you, and especially if they were completely innocent or a mere product.
If I were in a situation, where the one I loved left for another without a warning, with words still wringing in my heart and head, with promises of trust and devotion still tied around my mind, I would let them see their own mistakes. It might take them a while, but vengeance never does justice, only lasts as bitter satisfaction for a short time. Rather, recover from the blows, continue life, even run away if necessary. But I would never hurt others purposefully just to spite them in the pain they inflicted on me.
But then again, I’m not Heathcliff, I’m Jessie Jean, and I wouldn't act just for spite.
Heathcliff is inarguably cruel. He is conniving and vengeful, spiteful and mean, but I would say that there is means to the madness.
It all started with Hindley (his older “brother) and the way he treated him. He treated him as a servant, no better or worse than the horses that drew their buggies. That kind of treatment will turn anyone sour. But the real catalyst in the situation is Cathy. He loves her. She is his saving grace in a life that is miserable and hard, and without her, he would be completely alone. He trusts her and her alone, having grown up with her and gotten to know her spirit – the real things that matter in loving someone.
And then, seemingly out of no where, his life turns upside down. With Cathy begins to spend time with the Lintons, she edges Heathcliff out completely, almost without warning, and seemingly without a care. She goes about her business as if nothing really happened and as if it doesn’t affect her one bit. We know, as the reader that she does indeed still love Heathcliff, but he doesn’t know that. He is betrayed by the only good thing he had in life, torn from the fairytale that he thought he was living and loving.
These events are enough to make anyone mad with rage, to the point of obsessive vengeance. He decided that instead of rolling in a ball and letting the misery of lost love and affection, he would strike his revenge back on those who hurt him (much like Frankenstein’s monster, not t mention).
Personally, I feel bad for Heathcliff. I think that pain like that is real. It’s such a pain that you can’t think or breathe because everything, everyone, and every moment reminds you what you’ve lost, and there isn’t a god damned thing you can do about it. Heathcliff was severely wronged by the family that took him in to give him a better life, and by the woman whom he loved with every fiber of his being.
In all respects, though, as sorry as I feel for him, I think that he could have not partaken in the actions he did that drove others to the madness he felt as well. There’s a lesson to be learned here, that if you’ve been wronged, you should make certain not to pass on the pain and misery to others, even if they did help to ruin you, and especially if they were completely innocent or a mere product.
If I were in a situation, where the one I loved left for another without a warning, with words still wringing in my heart and head, with promises of trust and devotion still tied around my mind, I would let them see their own mistakes. It might take them a while, but vengeance never does justice, only lasts as bitter satisfaction for a short time. Rather, recover from the blows, continue life, even run away if necessary. But I would never hurt others purposefully just to spite them in the pain they inflicted on me.
But then again, I’m not Heathcliff, I’m Jessie Jean, and I wouldn't act just for spite.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Moving on...
There's a fine fine line between what you thought you knew, what you thought you believed and what is reality.
For some people, finding the reality is mind blowing and crushing, completely decimating what they believed in, including themselves.
And for others, they see it as a learning experience where they might have been made a fool of, but it's something that they can't take back, so there's no need to dwell on it. Because they see it for what it really is, and that is that they were part of a pattern that will not change for a great while. It teaches them that there are things that they need to watch out for, and being coerced is not a way of life, no matter how badly you want to believe it.
So they take it, smile, wish the pattern-maker good luck and all the happiness in the world and move on, because there's nothign left to do, and so much more important things in life.
For some people, finding the reality is mind blowing and crushing, completely decimating what they believed in, including themselves.
And for others, they see it as a learning experience where they might have been made a fool of, but it's something that they can't take back, so there's no need to dwell on it. Because they see it for what it really is, and that is that they were part of a pattern that will not change for a great while. It teaches them that there are things that they need to watch out for, and being coerced is not a way of life, no matter how badly you want to believe it.
So they take it, smile, wish the pattern-maker good luck and all the happiness in the world and move on, because there's nothign left to do, and so much more important things in life.
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